Being raised below the Mason-Dixon line, I was taught as a little girl to be nice at all costs. It occurred to me somewhere around 10 years old that being nice was another form of “lying.” Nice is a judgment about how we “should feel and do.” There is a difference in being nice and being kind, a difference in being nice and being straight and trustworthy.” People trust others who tell the truth, even if the communication or the relationship gets messy as a result.
What I learned early in life was that sometimes I had to choose to be less patient with others and not quite so nice in order to engage in conversations that were meaningful and in relationships that grew.
Most of us feel we need to learn to exhibit more patience. I see it in the clients I coach. One said to me today, “I guess I should learn more patience.” What was really needed was less - - this client needed to learn to notice that his impatience was a signal that there was an underlying truth that need to emerge. Once we surfaced it, he was relieved and in touch with something real and actionable. He needed to address an issue that was taking too much energy and address an issue with a person who was afraid of telling the truth out of a perceived consequence of losing her job. So they were engaged in this little dance that was going nowhere and was frustrating. Once the truth was told, the dance changed and there was movement. This interaction, though tough, was definitely better than waiting patiently to continue the same conversation.
Where do you need to lose your patience? What is the underlying truth you are wrestling with? What is available to you as a result of getting in touch with that truth?
