The Coaches’ View

Doug Leland has been an integral part of the Pyramid team for many years.  He publishes a regular “Monday Morning Message” and we thought we would share this one.  Doug is also the author of “Alone in the Allagash” which is available on Amazon.com.

Appearing to my eye as if she’s in her mid-seventies, I’m amazed to learn she’s actually a couple of decades older. Other than leaning into our conversation to hear, there are no other clues hinting that she’s nearing one hundred.Originally from the east coast, she’s enjoyed careers in government, teaching, and as an entrepreneurial business owner. For almost seven decades, she cherished the company of her life-long love, husband, and partner who passed away a few years ago.

I later learn she still owns the clothing store she started . . . and still crunches the numbers for this enterprise each day.

At the party, however, she merely mentions the clothing store as one piece of her life experience, no more or less important than her time in government or as a teacher. It’s the comment she makes afterwards that catches my attention—offered as an afterthought, a trailing away comment mouthed as much for her own consideration as for ours.

“. . . and I own a women’s clothing store. I know why women buy dresses.”

Her comment triggers curiosity. I pursue this almost discarded and lost statement. “Why do women buy dresses?” I ask.

Her response is simple, succinct, insightful, and draped in almost 10 decades of experience, observation, and wisdom. Without hesitation and while maintaining comfortable and warm eye contact, she says, “Women fill their closets because they have an empty heart.”

There’s a brief silence while I let these words work their way through my thoughts, life experience, and perceptions. In one sentence, she captures the essence of our life journeys—both lives that are lived well and those that are seemingly squandered.

I’m not the first to whom she tells this. Often she offers the same wisdom to customers and friends, telling them they already have too many dresses and what they really need is something money can’t buy. Some listen . . . some go across the street and buy from another store.

It is a simple statement, a straightforward sentiment that applies to a universe of people far exceeding her clientele or those considering the purchase of a dress. Just as easily, it can be said that people in general fill their garages or houses, or their social calendars or relationship trophy cases because something else—something much more important—is missing.

The proxy for not knowing what’s missing or ignoring what’s missing is the credit card—the false promises of making needless purchases, even at risk of growing debt and emotional destitution. Cramming one more dress into the closet is never going to fill an emotional void desperate for love.

What’s missing? Who is missing? Where is this elusive love to come from? 

Before it can ever come from others, it must first come from “self.”

It starts with a shift in focus—gratitude for all you have rather than constant attention to those things seemingly missing. It continues with acknowledgment and acceptance (without judgment) of who you are as a unique individual, no more important nor less important than anyone else on this earth.

Once we surrender to the beauty of our own gifts, once we are able to love ourselves, the empty heart fills and spills into an awaiting world—and garages, houses, calendars, trophy cases, and closets begin to empty.

“Women fill their closets because they have an empty heart.”

Start filling your heart this week, and then see if there is enough left over to help someone else fill his or hers. Not everyone is ready. Some will go across the street to buy a dress from another store. That’s okay. It’s not your call. What you can do, however, is empty your own closet so that you’re in a position to extend an invitation.