The Coaches’ View

 
Check out yesterday’s Career Couch article in The New York Times to read what D.J. Mitsch has to say about helping newcomers find their way in a new job.

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/07/jobs/07career.html 

We are continuing our work with Jim Curtan, Spiritual Director for our coaches and our company around the artful language of archetypes. We are doing this to help our clients better understand their personality blueprints and why they habitually act or react to others. It is a lighter approach to having people look at their ego self and know when to employ the right character for the role they need to play, the lead they need to take in their lives or with others! We first introduced the Queen in earlier submissions to the blog. Now we invite you to meet the King.

Everything you NEED to know about the King, but were afraid to ask!

• The King represents sovereign male power and authority – associated with both cruelty and benevolence, as interpreted by Carolyn Myss. We either love them or hate them.
• The King is typically born with this ego/personality, displaying these characteristics early in life, at play, in sports competition, and later at work:
  1. A sense of entitlement
  2. Lifetime need to rule or control (games, environments, communities, companies)
  3. Can be a great leader that others gladly follow, sensing he will care for them and is sensitive to the needs of many.
  4. Impatient with those who seem needy or demanding
  5. Takes charge even if not appointed
  6. Does not like to be challenged unless prepared
• The benevolent or enlightened King is masterful, creating the space for others to truly shine, acknowledging them or challenging them to be great.
• The King is typically not happy bowing to a Queen, and may be paradoxically attracted to and repelled by the Queen’s energy or power. You may see this play out in corporate kingdoms, particularly in meetings where the queen will keep her silence if she feels it threatens the King in charge. Conversely, if the Queen is in charge, you may see the King dismiss her value, often sparring to take control of the conversation if he feels it will serve him. This is a political dance and can be humorous as you gain or maintain perspective about when this part of your personality (or their personality) is at play.
• His reactions may include:
  1. Dismissive when other’s don’t follow his lead
  2. Can have a short fuse or temperament if he is also a competitor or perfectionist
  3. Can become the High Chair Tyrant if his needs are not met by those around him.

Learning to Live or Work with a King?
1. Expect to follow his strong lead, look for the enlightened leader within, the role he plays when he is at his best and then endorse him for what he does well in the leadership role. Remember it is lonely being the King.
2. Be Loyal – the King rewards loyalty
3. Remember to develop your own perspective, realizing the only power anyone has over you is what you give them… so choose carefully whom you follow without question, even the King.
4. If this ruler “Has No Clothes” - - be of service by holding a reflective conversation, mirroring back what you observe in the form of inklings or the impact he has on you and others. Make specific requests for what you want him to discuss or do differently with you.
5. Empower him to share his wisdom and his ideas. Make him your mentor.

Think Charleton Heston as Moses and you have an image of the King archetype, both servant and leader, strength and benevolence.

Stay tuned in. We will introduce you to the “Victim” role we all play soon. This is a critical characteristic or archetype we all share and it shows up daily in our coaching conversations with all of our clients, executives, top talent and the front line.

Decisions are 90% emotional no matter how logical we think we are. We are much better at rationalizing our decisions that we made with emotions than thinking all the options through in the first place. Therefore, it is important to have tools and processes to help us make choices. Below are the four of the most common questions I ask my coaching clients about decision making:

1. What do you need to know (information about the past, present, and future) before you can make a wise decision?

2. Who do you know has made this type of decision in the past? They might provide some perspective and insight you do not have.

3. Why is it so hard for you to decide? What do you feel is at stake, really? Do you fear something intangible, such as a loss of control? What is the worst that would happen if you are wrong? Are you afraid of embarrassment, that people will question your competence? Are you procrastinating because you believe something could be better around the corner? Get the truth out on the table so you can factor this into your decision-making.

4. If there were no consequences for your decision, what would you choose? Know that this choice will haunt you if you decide against it. You may need to seek a compromise you haven’t yet considered.

You definitely want to put a deadline on yourself for making a decision. However, be sure to give your brain some processing time. Great solutions come when you are taking a shower, playing a sport, or distracted by something you love. This gives your brain time to make connections that you cannot force by worrying and pondering. Let your wisdom bubble up. You might discover an answer you had not considered.

Harvard Business Review featured an article entitled, Women and the Labyrinth of Leadership, this month which we offer as a link here for further review. The findings in this research support what we have found in recent coaching initiatives for women - - that the “glass ceiling” catchphrase used to describe a failure to promote women is outdated.

What we are finding is that women are in a complicated maze of choices and demands and sometimes they opt out of key roles to focus, temporarily, on other life demands. This article is worth the read…. More importantly, the concepts are worth a deeper conversation for your company if you are facing the same factors in managing women who are loyal and key talent!

For more information on how we work to coach groups of these women (individually and collectively) around specific organizational goals, contact us at dj@pyramidresource.com or Barry@pyramidresource.com

DJ Mitsch interviewed with Rick Smith, Editor of WRAL Local Tech Wire, one of the leading newswires in the Triangle. She talked about her different coaching techniques and how she works with a variety of individuals and companies on leadership and teambuilding.
Click image to watch video.

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This entry was created by by DJ Mitsch, MCC (left) and our
newest affiliate coach, Julie Murray (right).

“Archetypes are the symbolic language of the intuitive self,” according to Dr. Carolyn Myss, author of the best selling Sacred Contracts. Archetypal language provides a way for our coaches to dialogue about areas our clients can work, in an imaginative, non-threatening manner which inspires them to access deeper aspects of themselves. If clients better understand their “core” archetypes, there is the possibility of illuminating the impact and the subconscious influence they have on their perceptions of the world.

We have begun working with Archetypes as we search for new ways to serve our clients, and one of our favorites to introduce to powerful female clients is “The Queen.” Perhaps we are most intrigued by this role executive women often play as she is one of our core types.

According to Dr. Myss, the Queen symbolically represents power and authority in women who rule over anything from a company, a division, a government, or the home. She is a representation of emotional power and at her best can create worlds of opportunities for her domains. At her worst, she can slip into destructive patterns when her authority or control is challenged.

So if your friends give you greeting cards about being a queen, if you personally claim to be one, or if you manage one, here’s what you should know:

Queen Archetype
What you wanted to know about a Queen but were afraid to ask…

• The Queen archetype is both respected and resented. There are those that look to the Queen to lead, while others simply accommodate or resent the Queen’s capabilities and unspoken authority.
• As Queen, some duties are granted to us by others; however, we will not hesitate to take charge and appoint ourselves. We gain strength from leading and often take charge when facing challenges or threats. All is well when we are contributing, and life is smooth for those whom we love and are responsible for.
• Unrest occurs when we are not the only sovereign type present or when there is dissent among followers. Although we naturally assume a leadership role, others need to be heard and recognized, and we are better served by allowing others to voice their ideas and opinions before we make decisions that impact a group.
• Being Queen defines our interactions and relationships. Since we assume that our word is authority, we can be blind to the notion that we need to meet others halfway. We are open to ideas and will listen, but prefer others respect our position and make suggestions rather than demands.
• At times, it is exhausting being the Queen. We often feel we are thinking and acting for everyone around us. We cannot falter or show weakness, we must continually shoulder responsibility. We may silently wish for someone to remove the pressure and briefly “rescue” us. Once this happens, we are renewed and have the strength to take charge and rule again. If only we could understand that others are willing to help. By accepting their assistance, we do not diminish our authority.
• A Queen’s natural tendency to rule may overshadow all. Ultimately we must remember that it is not the position that makes us strong, but rather our ability to partner with others, leveraging the strengths of an entire court.
• If we become the queen mother, look out. As the official matriarch, we will become mother of all queens, literally inviting and attracting a brood of others like us. The fun begins as we are thrown into a mirrored pool of queens, and we must be mindful not to harshly judge, remembering that it is easier to see our own faults in those most like us!
• The queen will follow others who are effective and wise leaders, but will be choosy about trailing only those whom she respects and with whom she aligns!
• If you relate to any of this, nodding in agreement, and might be the masculine sovereign, “king,” then stay tuned for a contribution about your type.

Please visit the PRG Blog for more information about the language of archetypes and the roles we play! We will regularly contribute articles about what we are learning and how this artful language can give you insights into managing self and others!

Are you asking “what’s next?” Others want you to go for a new position in the company? You want a new challenge? Your significant relations want you to use the talents they see buried?

I have learned that we live our lives in three phases of consciousness. Understanding where you are gives you a key to knowing what to do next.

Think about where you are relative to these three levels:

• What “They” Want (At this level we respond to what others want from us and for us - - parents, schools, first bosses, companies, friends.)
• What “I” Want (What we see and do to individuate, to become unique contributors, to break out and live according to our own wishes – to go for the big job, get married, start a family, start a business, ask for a promotion.)
• What “Wants” Me (A passionate calling that we cannot ignore, something compelling us to move, even if we cannot envision the end result)

OK, So what to do? Consider these ideas and questions:

1. Stay where you are and recreate your current position through requests with your leadership so that it meets your personal and creative needs at this time. Ask yourself, “If I stay, what would need to change to make this job more meaningful and to contribute?”
2. If your loyalty was only to yourself, what would you change today? Is it time to shift to the “What I Want” phase and clarify that for yourself and others?
3. Is the idea of a new position causing you to rethink your entire career path and line up of responsibilities? Can you give a voice to the inkling that is causing you to stir emotionally? Is it time to listen to your heart and take a leap of faith?

Sometimes living with the questions will surface your best answers.

By D.J. Mitsch

One of the most valuable features of coaching is the accountability built into the coaching relationship. If you say you’re going to do something and have to answer back to your coach, chances are it will get done. Competition also facilitates action, and we find that is a critical tool in our group coaching programs.

Recently, we put ourselves to the test using some accountability and competition. The Pyramid coaching team participated in the Be Active Challenge sponsored by North Carolina Amateur Sports.

The goal of the program is to promote healthy lifestyles through consciously increasing your physical activity over three-month period. We divided our coaches into three teams and tracked progress weekly. Even though we are geographically dispersed, our teams pulled together to help each other increase their exercise and alter some habits.

The competition was fierce and fun, and collectively we logged close to 2,000 hours of activity during the challenge. Most of our coaches wanted to continue the program after it ended, and we are looking at starting an “in-house” competition very soon.

Accountability is a key benefit to the coaching process and it helps maintain motivation towards making positive changes. As we saw with our own team, great things can happen when you set a goal and have to report back to a third party, be that a coach or your team.

Barry Mitsch

The Raleigh Chamber is celebrating 15 years of serving women in business with four luncheon sessions per year that are targeted to provide professional skills and inspiration.

Author and Coach Laura Berman Fortgang spoke about “Now What? Finding a new direction for your life and work at any age.” Mitsch introduced Laura as a friend and colleague, as the two are considered pioneers in the professional of coaching.

Mitsch said her intention for this coming year, is to work with the chamber and her committee to find the speakers who address the hottest topics for what’s on the mind of women who lead. She hopes to build the list of attendees to represent the highest level female leadership in the area’s companies, and to advance women’s interests in this area as a result of the work of the committee this year.

Among the speakers being considered for 2008 are Sara Blakely, creator of Spanx and on the board of Virgin Interprises, and Marci Shimoff who bases her speech on the book and movie, The Secret. Marci is featured in the film. Look for a note on the blog about upcoming events!

I personally subscribe to the idea that we all have a soul blueprint, a purpose in our lives. As coaches, we are trained to listen for this purpose and to convey our clients to a level of joy and personal satisfaction through the discovery the concept.

What we have seen as a company is that the thousands of people we have worked with over the past fifteen years continue to inspire us with the courage they exhibit as they continue to take steps to fulfill their dreams and live and serve in the most meaningful ways.

I am proud to be a coach and colleague with professionals who have pioneered this profession, those like Laura who have worked side by side with our coaches in noncompetitive ways to pave the pathway. I highly recommend the book, “Now What!” if you are entering a life transition.

Barry and I invited our 17 year old daughter to attend the event today and this was also a great message for a young woman who is entering college and ready to carve her own path to success.